I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
