I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
