I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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