you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
