And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize