But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
