I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
