You're completely useless in the revolution.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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