I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
