omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
