It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
