he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
