you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
