he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
