WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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