Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
