Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So much rum. So many feels.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
