she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
