Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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