did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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