Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
