is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
