ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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