I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize