You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
