we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They took my balls.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
