I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
