I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
