They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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