and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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