i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
