the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
