so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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