i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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