WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
