you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
