Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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