his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize