Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
