True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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