worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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