Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she was so not down for the gang bang
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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