My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
