That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
