my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
