Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
