Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
