you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
