There was a lot of him and a little penis
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
