He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
