Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
