Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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