He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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