I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
