ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
