she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
