paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize