Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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