mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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