I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
