just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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