i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
