I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize