He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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