The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
