Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize